Is Your Ex Unstable?

There are many formally identified personality disorders, each with their own set of behaviors and symptoms. My husband and I have found it immensely helpful to learn as much as we can about the many disorders that "the devil" has been diagnosed with (remember: knowledge is power), such as:

Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline personality disorder is more common in woman than in men. People with this disorder are unstable in several areas. Abrupt and extreme mood changes, stormy interpersonal relationships, an unstable and fluctuating self-image, unpredictable and self-destructive actions characterize this disorder. They generally have great difficulty with their own sense of identity. They tend to experience the world in extremes, viewing others as either “all good” or “all bad” (and flip-flop often between the two). They form an intense personal attachment to someone only to quickly dissolve it over a perceived slight. (You're either perfect or your not, good or evil, there's nothing in between.) Other traits include a fear of abandonment, impulsive actions, chronic feelings of boredom or emptiness, and bouts of intense inappropriate anger (rages).

The best analogy that I've found is this: When you're dealing with someone with BPD, you're dealing with a perpetual 2-year-old. Armed with this knowledge, we've found that it's best just to tell "the devil" what to do rather than ask her opinion, just like we would a 2-year-old. Like a toddler, she initially throws a fit, but then she will settle down and accepts our rules because they're fair and they make sense. And even though we have to go through this every time, at least we have a system.

Check out BPD Central.com (http://www.bpdcentral.com/index.php) and read "Walking on Eggshells" to learn more about this disorder and how to help and protect yourself.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

People with narcissistic personality have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, are absorbed by fantasies of unlimited success, and seek constant attention. The narcissistic personality is oversensitive to failure and often complains of multiple somatic symptoms. Prone to extreme mood swings between self-admiration and insecurity, these people tend to exploit interpersonal relationships.

Histrionic Personality Disorder

Histrionic Personality Disorder is characterized by a person who is always calling attention to themselves and being overly dramatic. Minor situations can cause wild swings in emotions. They easily become bored with normal routines, and crave new, novel situations and excitement. In relationships, they form bonds quickly, but the relationships are often shallow, with the person demanding increasing amounts of attention.

Dependent Personality Disorder

People with dependent personality disorder may exhibit a pattern of dependent and submissive behavior, relying on others to make decisions for them. They require excessive reassurance and advice, and are easily hurt by criticism or disapproval. They feel uncomfortable and helpless if they are alone, and can be devastated when a close relationship ends. They have a strong fear of rejection. Typically lacking in self-confidence, the dependent personality rarely initiates projects or does things independently. This disorder usually begins by early adulthood and is diagnosed more frequently in females than males.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

Compulsive personalities are conscientious and have high levels of aspiration, but they also strive for perfection. Never satisfied with their achievements, people with compulsive personality disorder take on more and more responsibilities.

They are reliable, dependable, orderly, and methodical, but their inflexibility often makes them incapable of adapting to changed circumstances. People with compulsive personality are highly cautious, weigh all aspects of a problem, and pay attention to every detail, making it difficult for them to make decisions and complete tasks.

When their feelings are not under strict control, events are unpredictable, or they must rely on others, compulsive personalities often feel a sense of isolation and helplessness.

We’ve also had to deal with and learn about these mental health issues:

Parental Alienation Syndrome

Parental Alienation is a situation where one parent intentionally attempts to alienate his or her child from the other parent by poisoning the child's mind, and usually succeeds. This disorder usually arises during child-custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child's unjustified campaign of denigration against a parent. It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent's indoctrinations and the child's own contributions to the vilification of the parent.

Hypochondria

Hypochondriacs have a preoccupying fear of having a serious illness, despite appropriate medical evaluation and reassurance of good health. While many people may worry from time to time that minor physical symptoms may be a sign of a serious illness, a diagnosis of hypochondria is reserved for those who have a preoccupying fear of disease that lasts for at least 6 months. Two thirds of hypochondriacs have other psychiatric disorders such as major depression, panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or generalized anxiety disorder.