How Can I Help?

Has it occurred to you yet that you “don’t know what you don’t know”?

What I mean is: have you figured out that you don't even know what questions you should be asking because you don't even know that they need to be asked in the first place?

We were there, too...and it hit us like a ton of bricks!

True story: My husband was 2+ years in to his nasty-ass divorce when our landlords said to either buy the house we were renting or move. He asked his attorney if buying a house would affect his case, and she ignored him. Sure enough, after we'd bought the house we were told that homeownership would cause his support payments to go up!!! (I'll explain this in a separate post.)

But the process was always the same: we'd ask my husband's attorney a question, and we were either ignored or treated like idiots because we'd asked such a basic question. (Ah, there's nothing like a condescending response to a legitimate question!) But there's no such thing as a "basic question" when you don't know the rules of the game to begin with!

And so we learned the hard way that attorneys keep you in the dark by holding back information. Think about it: they're paid for their knowledge, so they're stingy with it. They have zero incentive to educate you...you're just expected to go along with whatever they tell you to do. Besides, we were charged up the wazoo every time we asked a question that was actually deemed intelligent enough to answer (although most weren't answered), so we weren't exactly inspired to ask as many questions as we should have.

About Me…

I stayed out of all of this for the entire first year that we were together. But by the beginning of our second year, it was clear that I would have to step in. I became an expert at researching divorce- and child custody-related issues out pure of necessity: if I hadn't, my husband would've gotten totally screwed!

As attorneys go, my husband had a very good one. And with her knowledge and tenacity, combined with my research and documentation*, my husband** walked out of that court room feeling good about the outcome, as he'd been able to accomplish all that he'd set out to from the very beginning: a fair parenting schedule, a reasonably fair support order, and an equitable division of assets and debts.

*I spent 2 pre-trial days in court at my husband's attorney's request as a resource for her and my husband, and to testify at trial concerning how I'd calculated our percentage of parenting time figures.

**He actually WAS my husband at this point: we were able to get married 3-1/2 years in to this f-ed up process (which was 3 years after we'd met) because he'd finally demanded a bifurcation from the devil after his divorce had dragged on for more than 2-1/2 years. (More on bifurcating in a separate post.)

In going through all of this, I’ve learned two very important things:

1) You are just one of dozens of your attorney’s clients. Your attorney doesn't have the time (and you probably don’t have the money) to “baby sit” your case. Other than adding documents to your ever-growing file, it’s likely—and understandable—that it won’t be accessed often between contacts. So you'd better become the expert on your case!

2) The value of better understanding the issues specific to your case is immeasurable...but thoroughly researching these issues on your own takes a good deal of time and know-how, and even if they were able to do it for you, paying your attorney’s office to do this would be much too costly. I've done a lot of the research already, and have posted my findings here for you. For free!

I started this blog to save you from all the same bullshit.

So don't hesitate to email me your comments, questions, concerns, or requests for information, and I'll send you examples and templates...FREE. Just ask.

What's in it for me, you ask? That's simple: the satisfaction of knowing that I'm helping someone who might not otherwise get that help, and keeping him from being screwed by his ex!

Good luck! I hope to hear from you soon.